The Zig Zag Path of Life!
As a child I remember laughter and happiness, at home, at school, with friends and family. As a teenager, life gets more complicated; will I fit in? Will somebody love me? Will I get a good job? All of our doubts and insecurities seem like mountains. As an adult beginning to travel and learning, that things I was sure of, are not so definite after all! Getting married, being a wife, responsibilities of two, then a mum, responsibilities of three! Leads down a path to being a widow and ultimately an orphan. In a flash a senior citizen and grandparent, in the eyes of the younger, faster world a lesser being. Wow what an incredible cycle, so much done, so much learnt, so much happiness and so much pain.
Looking back would I have changed it? Could I have changed it? No, not a single moment, I am not saying that at the time, I would not have preferred to be somewhere else, shedding less tears, fighting less battles, but they were all followed by days of sunshine; it has all made me, me; exactly who I am right now. Everyday is a new opportunity, as the alarm rings it opens up a blank page to make of it what I will, if I choose to be happy, or if I choose to be grumpy; at least I have woken to have the choice!
Nowadays, I appreciate I have the choice, for so long life seemed to be out of my control and no matter how I tried, I was the proverbial hamster running on the wheel, getting nowhere – or so it seemed at the time. I let myself get so far down the “importance ladder” that anything would do for me, and it did. No matter how many times my mum and friends would tell me, Linda you are doing an amazing job, you have achieved so much, somehow it never seemed true. The only person, who did not believe in me, was ME!
I do not think my life has been wasted at anytime, but looking back there are times when it could have been more productive and directed. Though I am the first to say, we cannot change the past, look at it, learn from it and move on. That is something that I can now do, it is so very much easier planning a journey into the next era looking forward, eyes, mind and determination firmly set, focused on the horizon. Ok, I may not run up the next mountain quite as fast as before, but I certainly have a lot less emotional baggage to weigh me down, this part of the path may be leading to Zimmer frames and incontinence pads, but I will be making the choice to enjoy every challenge and new day until I am lucky enough to make it there.